Mayweather v McGregor farce or fantastic?

SATURDAY is fight night – and I can’t decide if Mayweather v McGregor is farce or fantastic.

All the hype, all the trash talk, all the flash and vulgar shows of wealth ends and it will just be two half-naked men going toe-to-toe in the ring.

Brilliant boxers like Oscar de la Hoya, Brit Ricky Hatton and Manny Pacquiao have tried and failed to trouble Mayweather so I find it unlikely the Irishman will do so in his very first bout.

But Floyd is 40, Conor 29 – could that be the key stat? McGregor has the upper hand in age and hunger, while Mayweather has experience and class on his side.

Boxing purists refuse to see anything other than a Mayweather win, making it 50 unbeaten in a 21-year career.

MMA fans are quietly confident their sport, their champion, their hero will create a new world order in the fight game.

Both men will reportedly earn £100million for stepping into the ring. Becoming filthy rich by allowing your brain to be repeatedly bashed is one way to do it.

But I plan to make my money the old-fashioned way. By being really nice to a wealthy relative right before they die!

TWO games in and the Premier League has already thrown up some surprises and same-old scenarios.

Among the shocks were newly-promoted Huddersfield Town having won both their games, Wayne Rooney scoring two in two for Everton and Chelsea losing their opening game against Burnley.

But as night follows day, Tottenham lost at Wembley, Liverpool’s defence creaked like a 1000-year-old gate and after two emphatic wins against appalling opposition Manchester United fans firmly believe the title is in the bag.

You sometime have to admire the Old Trafford faithful as they think like a proton – always positive.

AGONY and ecstasy was flipped on its head this weekend for poor Nicolai Muller.

First was the ecstasy as the Hamburg winger scored what turned out to be the winner against Augsburg.

Then the agony as his bizarre series of celebratory helicopter whirls ended up with him landing awkwardly and rupturing knee ligaments.

He proper Mullered himself and will be out for seven months.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to meet it! If plan A fails, remember there are 25 more letters. No wealth can ever make a bad man at peace with himself.

Throw me to the wolves and I will return leading the pack. Women are like teabags, you never know how strong they are until they’re in hot water. Don’t worry about glass slippers, focus on smashing glass ceilings!

Don’t argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. Old ways won’t open new doors. Looking good should not be your only hustle. She wasn’t looking for a knight; she was looking for a sword. Real Queens fix each other’s crowns. Some fear the fire, others simply become it. Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.

Gilded windbag Twitterstorm of nonsense This is where the clown car crashed. Footballers are like bank accounts, without a lot of money they don’t generate much interest. It is said a third of marriages break up within a year of their star waning and the lucrative career is over.

If the gorgeous Jamie Redknapp can be dumped, then what chance for the likes of Wayne ‘Mr Potato Head’ Rooney and Carlos ‘Ugly Betty’ Tevez? You only live once – but if you do it right, once is enough. Whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you.

Life was much easier when apple and blackberry were just fruits. Don’t mistake silence for weakness. Smart people don’t plan big moves Xxxx insists he will know his starting XV tomorrow.

Aaah tomorrow – the mystical land where 99% of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored. He’s an askhole – someone who constantly asks for advice, yet always does the opposite of what he’s told. Sorry xxx, sarcasm falls out of my mouth, just like stupid falls from yours. If karma doesn’t hit him, I gladly will. Dare to Zlatan . . . erm Zlatan. Jabba the schmuck Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder. xxxx road to success always seems to be under construction.

He’s hardly the cheeriest bunny in the warren. I forgive and forget because I have a good heart and terrible memory. I was hoping for a battle of wits, but you appeared to be unarmed. He’s not lazy, just on energy saving mode. If laughter is the best medicine, xxxx’s face must be curing the world. I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and pass a smarter statement than that. Stupidity is not a crime, so you’re free to go. I’m returning your nose; I found it in my business.

A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it. Hey you have something on your chin . . . no the third one down. When he does a handstand, his stomach hits him in the face. I’m not saying I hate Ryan Giggs but I would unplug his life support to charge my phone. Dead from the neck up. Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the third one’s for you.

Sport doesn’t build character, it reveals it. I get most of my daily exercise by shrugging. I don’t have a fitbit, just plenty of fatbits, So fat, he puts mayonnaise on his slimming pills. He’s so mean, it hurts him to go to the bathroom. He loves nature despite what it did to him. I’d beat him but I’d be scared I’d infect my hands.

His mind is one vast wasteland. He covers every blade of grass but that’s only because his first touch is crap. He’s so dense that light bends around him. If his lifeguard skills were as good as his football there would be a lot of drowned people. He’s not a big fish, he’s not even a fish. If his brains were dynamite, there would not be enough to blow his hat off. About as useful as sunglasses to a bloke with one ear.

Wayne Rooney has still scored as many goals against AC Milan (six) as he has against Liverpool but has faced the Reds many, many more times. Cavani and Di Maria HEART BREAKERS. Both born on Valentine’s Day.

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